...

“I ain't stupid or nuthin’…I just started using the system.”-Leasing Agent

We got an ap named “Cricket Mummey” today. I can only imagine the teasing that girl was subject too in school…

All time lows reach new highs…

Despite telling people how trashy several of the complexes are that we deal with, most don’t truely grasp how ghetto these places actually are. Today, for instance, a leasing agent began screaming at me over the phone because I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) illegally obtain an applicant’s state child support info. It’s not that the applicant wouldn’t provide it for us, the leasing agent just wanted to get her moved in ASAP instead of having to wait the extra day while the ap got the docs herself. Apparently, the leasing agent just figured that I wouldn’t mind committing felony fraud against the state of Texas to save her some time…

Maybe if you ever listened to me…

Ok, parents, what did I just say to you about drinks and childrens' names? “Mimosa Flores”? Wow…nice work there. I can only imagine what Mr. and Mrs. Flores named their numerous other spawn-lings…“Singapore Sling Flores”, “Buttery Nipple Flores”, “Kamikaze Flores”, and everyone’s little darling "Sex On The Beach Flores”

Not so egg-cellent

Well, I missed work Wednesday due to rancid egg attacks. Despite having been in college for seven years now, I still haven’t learned that if you leave egg-salad out on the counter all day and then eat it when you’re high, there’ll be hell to pay in about six hours.

Speaking of painful internal issues, my brain is currently going into meltdown over the fact someone named their child “Kismitt”. C’mon, what the hell?

Work-tality!

Every time I sneeze, the coworker in the desk adjacent to mine turns to me and says “Weeeeeeeeeeell, Ghaaaad bwess yooooooo!”…

I’m totally justified in having the overwhelming urge to give her a Sub-Zero style uppercut, right?

Chil’ins and drank…

Dear parents, please refrain from naming your children after the booze you were consuming while conceiving them. Seriously, “Tequila Lateshia King”? Oh well, at least she’s not “Old English Lateshia King” or “Nighttrain Lateshia King”.

TGIAT-Thank God It’s A Thylacine

Fridays around work a generally slow, allowing me the opportunity to waste massive amounts of time on wikipedia discovering pointless, obscure facts. For instance, 71 years ago on this very date, the last known Thylacine died in a Tasmanian zoo...

Mama say...

I swear on Poseidon’s trident that leasing agents are specifically hired because of the fact they’re rude as hell and total fucking idiots. Take, for example, the following phone conversation:

Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Leasing Agent: Joo can tell my why joo say Jose Hernandez not working? Because he is!
Me: I didn’t say that, his former manger said he was terminated 4 months ago when I called her to verify his employment.
Leasing Agent: Well…Joo wrong. His mom tell me he still working there!
Me: We’re not interested in what his mom says, only what his supervisor says.
Leasing Agent: *Tssss* His mom not going to lie. Joo donno wachu talking about! Joo need to call up again and…(long pause)…Aye! Joo know what? I got wrong applicant.
*click*

Bitch